“My Brush With Morbidity” by Kelle
“I was a sophomore at college, and had been suffering from severe depression, bipolar, anorexia and self mutilation for years; they all seemed to be treatment resistant. I was at a good friend’s dorm when we started to snort crushed Adderall, and qualudes. The effects started immediately. I became extremely talkative and hyperactive. I confessed to him that when I had attempted suicide that spring the night before I was drugged and raped by a friend who lived on my floor and his friend from home. I began confessing numerous travesties that had occurred to me. While sitting in his dorm, I started to feel really funny. My heart was beating so fast I thought it would explode, my skin became cold and clammy and I began slipping in and out of consciousness. My breathing was rapid and shallow, I began to panic. He knew what was going on and took me to the bathroom, forcing me to vomit, but nothing came up. I began telling him, ‘It’s alright; I know I’m going to die and I’m not afraid.’ I kissed his cheek and simply asked that he hold me until the end. As shaky and cold as I was, I felt warm inside and peaceful. Sounds faded from my ears, everything was becoming really quiet, despite a slight vibrating in my ears. His roommate, who happened to be an EMT came home and saw me. I blacked out, and he performed CPR on me and got my heart beating again. They took me to the hospital, where it was confirmed I had overdosed and they were surprised I was still alive. I survived and no one but the three of us ever spoke of it again. I know it isn’t as morbid as the rest but that day I almost became someone else’s morbid story.”
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